In Souled Out: A Memoir of War and Inner Peace, Mike Orban offers a heart wrenching look into the long-term psychological impact of his Vietnam War experiences. Like many American soldiers, thousands of Vietnamese and others such as the Hmong from Laos, the course of his life changed in immeasurable ways due to this conflict. The book unveils his journey for decades to search for peace and to overcome Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which has until recently been neglected. As a historian of the American war in Vietnam, I find Souled Out to be a great contribution to the literature on the Vietnam War era. EO1 Jeff Starke USN (SW) Retired, March 2010 "Michael has dove deep into PTSD with a side of compassion that reaches the soul of veterans exposed to the travesties of war while enlightning others with awareness to the torment and suffering that PTSD does to veterns and to those that it eventually will. The joinery in Mikes memoirs helps settle the inner peace to healing and overcoming the constant ritual of PTSD in daily life. can't wait for the next one Mike. Keep Us Healing!" Vietnam 1972-1975, (HS-4) Helicopter Squadron, Panama Invasion, Desert Shield, Desert Storm, (Presidentail Recall) Bombing of the USS Cole,Operation Nobel Eagle,(Presidental Recall) Bombing of the World Trade Center 9-11, Operation Enduring Freedom, Operation Iraqi Freedom II. Retired May 2005 24 years of service. Break in Service from April 78-Oct 1986 assigned to: Mobile Inshore Undersea Warfare unit (MIUWU) Team II Pat Proft, Daughter of World War II Veteran, January 2010 Hi Mike, I finished your book over this weekend. I found it hard to put down. It is a heart-wrenching story- but with a hopeful ending. I am so sorry you had to experience what you did, and admire you for the courage to "bare your soul" to help other vets. I do not think I would have made it through if I had to experience what you did. You must have a tremendous amount of inner strength. The very kind words about your mom made me think of how good she was to me. I was also very moved by the Vet's Poem. While I was reading the book, I thought about my father and how he too did not get the help he needed. He never got past medicating himself with alcohol. In the 60's and 70's he was in and out of treatment for depression and alcoholism, but the treatment was so very crude it never had lasting results. In the 60's at UW, part of his treatment consisted of scrubbing a floor with a toothbrush- to get his anger out! It did not work. Every Christmas he would get drunk and mourn his friends who were lost on the Troopship Leopoldville in the English Channel Christmas Eve 1944. ( There is a book called "The Night Before Christmas" that tells the story of this ship and how it was struck by the Germans. The book has been in my family for many years but I could not bring myself to read it- maybe I will someday. One tends to avoid topics that were pushed down your throat- he used to hold the book up and say "read it and weep". So of course, I never read it.)Towards the end, his mind twisted things such that he talked about being on the ship himself when it was torpedoed. I checked the manifest online- he was not on that boat but did lose many friends that night. Christmas has never been a time of joy for me. I remember him not attending my first communion, or graduation from 8th grade, or graduation from high school because he was always too drunk to attend. I could never have friends over to the house- we lived in a crowded small 2 bedroom flat and he was always sitting on the corner of the sofa drinking and often yelling. My mom often closed up the house in summer even though it was extremely warm because she did not want the neighbors to hear him (but they did anyway). He would pound on the table yelling "I was a damn good soldier" so many times I lost count. The yelling got so bad that I thought about the meat pounder that was in the cupboard behind the kitchen table where he often sat drinking. I thought about getting it out and smashing him in the head to shut him up-of course, I never did that; only thought about it. My brothers retreated to the basement and played loud music to drown him out. He got worse when he lost his brother in the early 60's. His brother was a wonderful man who died way too young; but he was somewhat of a stabilizing force for my father. It was another loss that he could not deal with. About that time I brought a kitten home; my grandmother owned the house and did not want any pets but they let me keep her. But my father would get drunk and threaten to wring the cat's neck- he even picked her up and started to do it. The cat reacted to all of this stress by being very difficult and using the basement as her litter box. One day, my parents told me that they had taken her to the Humane Society and placed her in a good home. I made many desperate calls to the Humane Society to get her back; I am sure with litter box problems she was promptly put to sleep. She became a "psycho-cat" in that horrible environment. My mother divorced him in the late 70's since she was so afraid he would run someone over while driving drunk and she did not want to be responsible for that. After the divorce, he lived in ratty apartments on Wells Street. He finally had to be placed at Tomah, where he died of cardiac complications from alcohol abuse at age 49. It is so sad that he never got the treatment he needed and that we as his family did not know how to help him. My mother has told me that he came back from the war a completely different person. Like you, he had a very high IQ- in the 150's-but could not handle college when he got out of the service-he was in engineering school at Marquette and completed 2 years before he dropped out due to feeling very nervous all of the time. I wonder if the behavioral health folks where I work are aware of your book? Have you had any contact with Wheaton Franciscan Healthcare or with All Saints in Racine? I am sure they would find the book very helpful in working with vets. You did a great job with this book- you had a compelling story to tell and you told it so very well. It was a very nice surprise for me to talk with you. Hope this note finds you well. Best regards, Pat ...it is time to give our combat troops all the help they need January, 2010 By Mike Maurer (combat Medic) Michael, I've read your book and having read quite a few others on PTSD. I believe you definitely convey the feelings and thoughts that I have experienced and live with on a daily basis in your Book "Souled Out". None of the other books come close to yours. Having been a "Combat Medic" in the "Bloody Red One" in Vietnam in 66-67 living with these feelings for over 40 years it is time to give our combat troops all the help they need. Thank You for writing such an in-depth and factual book. Mike Maurer Combat Medic 1st Infantry Division Vietnam 66-67 It comes from the heart, my friend..January, 2010 By Don Lonsway "Souled Out : A Memoir of War and Inner Peace" is a vivid account of what it was like being an infantry soldier in Vietnam. The author bears his soul as he talks about his war experience and how it affected his life when he returned home. He talks about how the war made the morales and spirituality that was the foundation for all his beliefs seem like a lie. His journey to restore his soul is a long one and takes him on several pilgrimages out of the country. As a fellow Vietnam "combat brother", I found his story honest, powerful and uplifting. A must read for combat vets of any war. Don Lonsway Vietnam Vet First Air CAV Division, 1968-69 "We're not alone in our struggle to become whole again."... February, 2010 Your book, Souled Out, is the most brilliant and comprehensive story of the psychological and emotional scars we veterans of war are forced to deal with for the rest of our lives. PTSD is real! As a combat Navy corpsman, attached to the Marines during the Vietnam war. I can say with tremendous heartfelt sincerity... Thank you for helping me and other veterans of war see that we're not alone in our struggle to become whole again. I've been working at it for forty years. Mark Foreman/Combat Corpsman Vietnam War Veteran "Thank you so much for writing this book and sharing your story"... February 2010 I just finished reading your book which I picked up after the workshop at the ELCA Synod Assembly last month. I picked it up because I have organized a Military Families support group at my church in Burlington about 3-4 years ago and I thought that it would give our group direction. What I didn't expect was the way it spoke to me and mirrored my own life and the emotional trauma that I have been avoiding regarding, first an abortion and my "African experience" was to get pregnant again and put that child up for adoption. The separation created by both of those events has left me childless and floundering for some 36 years!! I think that what I've been struggling with may finally have a name! Thank you so much for writing this book and sharing your story, it's appreciated on so many different levels for me and I'm sure others as well. I plan to dive into this. Glenda Bronikowski "Your book changed my views profoundly..." January, 2010 Your brother put in the new doors in our house in San Diego and mentioned your book. We were so interested that he ended up giving us a copy. Now several people have read that copy and now we are buying another for my nephew who came back from 2 tours in Iraq. He's lost his faith and is struggling. Your book changed my views profoundly about the psychological effects of war on soldiers and the deep seated reasons for those changes. I feel much better informed now. Thank you so much for writing it. Dana Crow Excellent read!, August 26, 2007 By mm (Asheville, NC) This memoir is an excellent read concerning the journey of one's man desire to discover the truth behind his depression. Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome is a raging reality for many of us today. Orban shares his experiences with this disease and tells how he managed to accept his life. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Too long a journey, January 19, 2008 By Dyson A. Hunt (West Bend, Wisconsin USA) I've known Mike almost my whole life. I knew him before Vietnam and after. Reading his book explained so much for me about the life of horror and fear that he experienced for so many years. There were so many things that he couldn't explain. As he explains in the book, he just couldn't put his finger on it. I'm so thankful that his survival instinct kept him around to tell this story. The real message here is for anyone with post traumatic stress issues and that message is that you can get help. The resources today are so much better than in the past. PTSD is part of the our lives and we need to help our friends and loved ones who are suffering because of it. Mike's life now is all about getting this message out. Our job as a society is to help further the message. As another reviewer said, people don't believe that they'll be able to relate to his story. However, they change their mind after reading it. I recommend the book, not only to those with PTSD - from combat or crime or any of the other of many causes, but also to the other people in their lives. It may help to explain the dark places and why so many feel so stuck there. One other thing about this book that I need to mention is that Mike's storytelling, especially about his experiences in Africa, are wonderful. Thanks, Mike. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Review by Al Goshaw, Professor Duke University, January 19, 2008 By Alfred T. Goshaw I found this to be one of the most thought provoking books I have recently read. The experiences of Michael Orban in Vietnam and Africa are a wonderful adventure story,but also carry a powerful message about the impact war has on a soldier when placed back into civilian life. The description of his struggles with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome are so timely with the ongoing wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. The physical and emotional damage these conflicts are inflicting on our most patriotic men and women are painfully illustrated by Orban's experiences. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with PTSS, and family members who are trying to understand the impact of war on a soldier's life. In addition you will find the book to be a fascinating story about Orban's travels through Vietnam, the Peace Core, Africa and middle America. K. Ngumba "Working towards a library one day..." (St. Paul, MN USA) I have read and reread this book. I sometimes just pick it up and read over passages that really hit home for me and that I feel have helped me understand pieces of not only myself, but others as well, just a little bit more. Although I've never experienced PTSD myself, I know people who have and it has given me at least a tiny glimpse into a world that I otherwise would not know at all. I treasure the style of a writer like this who can really put you into his head and heart as you travel with him through the war-torn jungles of Vietnam, the deeply saddening roller-coaster ride back home trapped in alcohol-filled nights and hidden truths, and the soul-reclaiming journey in rural Africa. This book and its stories are pertinent to everyone's life, no matter your experiences, because Michael Orban speaks to the inner truths about parts of society and humanity which is typically ignored but affects each and every one of us in some way. If you alone have not been a vicitm of PTSD, I can guarantee you know someone who has. So I ask you all, read this book...you'll be so glad you did. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Much to be gained from reading this book, January 17, 2008 By Quiet Awakening There are many areas that Michael Orban effectively addresses in "Souled Out: A Memoir of War and Inner Peace." He describes some of his experiences in the Vietnam War. For me this was helpful in having a more clear and explicit understanding of the horrors of the Vietnam War, and any war. He describes experiences that are probably quite universal for (and unique to) returning veterans, such as ... the hopes for returning home helping him to survive mentally and emotionally during the combat experience, but the reality on his return being much different than his expectations. To read his book I think helps give non-soldiers and non-veterans a better idea of what soldiers are experiencing on returning from the current war. This makes it a timely book. He describes experiences with post-traumatic stress, and these will be familiar and ring true to anyone who copes with it also. It's good when you are a survivor of trauma to have validation of your emotional experience, by hearing or reading about others with similar experiences. It helps to "normalize" the experience, and this is important. His book performs this function effectively. Also, there are at least a couple of descriptions of medical experiences that could resonate for survivors... not being understood by health care practitioners, needs not being met or even acknowledged. This is another issue probably quite significant to returning soldiers and veterans, and, again, to anyone dealing with post-traumatic stress. Orban integrates psychology with his experience in a way that helps the psychology aspect of it to be more palatable and more digestible, and therefore more meaningful. He's also very eloquent. Reading the book there were things that he articulates so well. I thought, "Thank you for helping me put my thoughts into words." The idea that's foundational to the title, of the soul being out, is both poetic and perhaps very true in a real spiritual sense. This is one of those beautifully-articulated passages in the book. He effectively describes survival, helps to convey in a clear sense what survival is. Orban describes his experience as a soldier and veteran of the Vietnam war, and experiences that have helped to mend his soul following the horror and devastation of war. He weaves in post-traumatic stress issues artistically, in a very readable way. He presents assistive resources (at the end of the book). I strongly recommend this book to any reader. It will help readers of younger generations to understand better some of the circumstances of Vietnam veterans, so historically this is an important book. It can help other survivors of trauma to perhaps integrate some of the fragments resulting from their own experiences. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Souled Out, A must read for all vets, January 17, 2008 Jerry C. Brooks (Milwaukee, Wi) I am a Desert Storm vet and served in the Infantry for 9 years from 1985 through 1994. I really did not think that this book would mean all that much to me or relate to my experiences. I could not have been more wrong, I found myself time and time again realizing that I shared many of the same emotions and feelings that he was writing about. My combat experience was not even close to the extent of Mr. Orban's but yet I got so much out of this book. His style of writing has a way of really putting you there with him as he struggles to find his way. It also helps you to understand some of the feelings that you may have had or continue to struggle with. In addition, I found his Peace Corps experiences fascinating. A great read, pick it up, you won't regret it! Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
By Rita Golden Gelman "Tales of a Female Nomad" (At Large in the World) - See all my reviews Michael Orban, like so many other veterans, came home from war a damaged soul. His story is gripping........he takes you down to the ugly bottom of despair, through drugs and alcohol and the misery of life on the street. Part of that despair comes from returning to a world that doesn't understand his mental anguish. Then he goes to Africa where he devotes his life to helping and observing and learning from others as he heals himself. He skillfully drew me into his hell with details I'll never forget...and as he shared his growing insight, my empathy for the current crop of returning troops deepened (Mike's war was in Vietnam, but today's wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are no different in the tragic and traumatic effect they are having on our soldiers.) It's a must-read for anyone who wants to understand what so many of our returning troops are experiencing. And a therapeutic read for veterans who don't know what has happened to them An especially appropriate addition to community library American Biography collections, February 2, 2008 By Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews Michael Orban served as a 20-year-old infantry soldier in Vietnam and in his superbly written autobiography "Souled Out: A Memoir Of War And Inner Peace" takes the reader along on his journey through a disastrous war and into his experiences of loneliness, emptiness, spiritual scarring and psychological destruction. Michael writes candidly of his time in the remote jungles of Africa and a world where humanity is mired in superstitions, omens, black magic, witchcraft, sickness, disease, and every present death. Yet it is also a story of the simplistic beauty in people who are intimately connected to all of life and reverently dependent for purpose on their spirit world and their ancestor worship. Here presented are the oral historians reciting the history of their people, their suffering at the hands of the European colonists. "Souled Out" is also the story of Michael's recovering of spirit and peach through using native resources to build schools, reading the works of Albert Schweitzer while being hospitalized in Gabon, and laughing at Mark Twain's observations and stories. The underlying message of "Souled Out" is that the psychological wounds of war are as serious as the physical ones and can be remedied and recovered from, and that there is relief for and from them. Informed and informative, thoughtful and thought-provoking, "Souled Out" is highly recommended reading and an especially appropriate addition to community library American Biography collections. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Understanding A Friend, February 2, 2008 By Catherine Orban "Cathy Orban" - See all my reviews I have know Mike for over 20 years. I married into the Orban family in 1985. He mentions in his book about living with us in Florida and how it never occurred to him that it wasn't a normal situation. I remember it as being a wonderful time getting to know a very special person that just didn't have the same direction as some of us. He was always interesting to talk to and our boys were blessed to have Uncle Mike around them in their early youth. Despite his inner struggles, Mike was always a positive person in all of our lives. After reading his book, I am able to better understand what he was trying to deal with in those years that he was with us. I am so proud o him to have put it in writing to share with the thousands of vets that struggle with this syndrome. I would highly recommend this book to anyone. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews A must read for anyone struggling with post-traumatic stress, January 31, 2008 By Barbara Bartlein, The People Pro (Bay View, WI) - See all my reviews Michael Orban creates a compelling read with his book "Souled Out." Open and honest, he takes us back to Vietnam and helps us understand what happens to the soul when one is faced with such traumatic experiences. His journey through recovery and his experiences are an inspiration to anyone who reads it. Difficult to put down, the messages are invaluable to anyone who has suffered a dramatic loss or event. I was able to apply many of his ideas to my own life. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews |
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Michael Orban
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